I can remember being a middle schooler and beginning to truly be at odds with my mom. There were other girls wearing make up and having boy friends and actually going out on parent chaperoned dates (yes, in middle school). If my mom said no to me once, she said it a thousand times! I didn't agree with her then. I bless her, now!
She used to say, "If I didn't love you, I'd let you." As an eleven year old, I understood what she meant, I just didn't care for it. Bottom line, I still wasn't getting my way. Although I knew she was saying no out of love, I didn't like it. Not one bit. I would give her the repetitive speech, "But so-and-so's mom is letting her." Mama never faltered. She's respond, "Well, so-and-so's mom doesn't love her the way I love you."
Years later, and now I'm the mom. And, of course, my mother's words are ever springing from my own heart. More than once I have told my ten year old the same thing that Mama told me, "If I didn't love you, I'd let you." In essence, what I am saying is, "If I didn't love you, I'd let you do anything you want. If I didn't love you, I'd let you have your say and your way about whatever you'd like. But, because I love you, I am not afraid to hurt your feelings. Because I love you, I am determined you will NOT always have your way. You will have to face consequences for your actions. I will be here as you face them - you are not alone - but you will face them. Now is the time you learn to become a strong, character filled, young man of integrity. Not later. Later is too late. My love for you compels me to stand up to your childish, foolish, unbridled desires. I'm not controlling you - I'm leading you, and one day you will lead yourself. And when that day comes, you will finally understand my love. It is not some feeling I have for you - it is the driving force in my raising you. It is my motherly vocation, if you will, to love you - purposefully. It will not always be what you expect, but I promise you this: it will never let you down."
I see way too many parents who have been misguided by social whims that preach on many levels through many venues that being the parent is equal to being the buddy. I see moms living vicariously through their daughters. This was obvious when a friend recently posted a question on facebook asking for opinions on our school system using uniforms. Most parents were for it. But the ones that were not were mothers and each mentioned similarly that they enjoyed shopping with their daughters for cute clothes for school, etc. What they couldn't see in themselves is that their objections to the uniforms had nothing to do with their daughters. It had everything to do with themselves. That's the problem with parents overdoing it in the "buddy" category. They are doing everything they can to not disappoint little Chase or Ashtyn/Ashton/Ashtin (...what???? Using "Johnny" or "Susie" doesn't register any more ... gotta get with the program ... and the updated names!). Afraid their child will stop liking them, they pull back, softening their discipline if not letting go of it altogether. Instead of restriction or whatever punishment might fit their child's "crime", they opt for a chocolate milkshake to make it all better and smooth out the wrinkles.
Let me stop and say that there are times when mending is the right thing to do. I have had a few school mornings when, after dropping my child off at school after a miserable morning, I turned right around, went back to the school and asked to see him. Those times have been few and far between, but have resulted when he took the brunt of my bad attitude, when my morning was awful and I took out my frustration on him. Bottom line, when I am in the wrong and bring the hurtful feelings on my child, then I believe it is my responsibility to make it right by admitting my fault and asking for forgiveness. It's part of leading by example. I will stand my ground when he is wrong. But when I am, I must admit it.
I disappointed my oldest son this morning. I told him I loved him when he got out of the van. He just mumbled something back ... I think I may have heard "love" and "too" in there somewhere. His eyes were a little misty. My compassion for him rose. And I drove away. I am confident that this afternoon I will be greeted with a smile and maybe even some laughter. And knowing my son, there will be an apology for his attitude of this morning. And we will go on .... and he will be one step closer to manhood. All because I loved him.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
I'm Not Buying It!
I can remember taking a Beth Moore study a few years ago and during one of the sessions she really hit home about the ridiculous way companies use sex to sell their products. Her complaint in particular involved a breath mint. In only the way Beth could tell a story (which had audience members and video viewers laughing through tears) she tells of finding the mints in a convenient store and desperately interrogating the poor store clerk about their description: Sexy Mints. If you are familiar with Beth, you can probably hear her voice now, that high pitched Texas accent asking, "Sexy??!!! Sexy??!!! Exactly what makes this mint SEXY??!!! And what makes this mint sexier than other mints???? Tell me!" She adds that both her daughters had to drag her out of the store as she still pleaded from her soap box about the - ahem - sexy mints.
Last year, I had a similar experience. Although I did not confront the blue vested Wal Mart employee stocking shelves on that aisle, I came just shy of having a soap box vent when I discovered Degree deodorant's fragrance Sexy Intrigue. Really? I mean....it's for our arm pits! First, what is so intriguing about arm pits? Second, is there a real need for them to be sexy? Clean shaven? Yes. Free of white residue? Of course. Sexy?! Mercy, no.
Gimmicks to get us to buy products are everywhere. From using sex (or lust) to sell everything from breath mints to cars, or some one's dramatic weight loss experience to sell videos and exercise equipment, to late night infomercial demonstrations that make products look soooo easy to use (and they'll throw in that extra "whatever" - a $56 value - for free!). It's all about making the sell....whatever it takes to make a profit.
There is a different kind of gimmick that gets me, though. I mean, gets me hot under the collar. I've seen it in various forms but recently, I had enough. I was shopping at a local Christian book store when I came upon the display. Right there among the Beth Moore and James Dobson and Max Lucado books, I let it vent! I didn't overdo it - but I did let the store clerk know just how ridiculous it was! The product: hand sanitizer. The gimmick: The Word of God.
I'm not kidding. The wording on the package may have been tongue in cheek, but it did not have me laughing. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." The scripture highlighted was from David's Psalm 51, "Create in me a clean heart, O God." Now what, you may ask - as I did - does Psalm 51 have to do with hand sanitizer? Or, what does hand sanitizer have to do with Psalm 51? I believe these are fair questions. The answer to both is a resounding NOTHING!!!! However, the company making these ingenious little things wants their hand sanitizer to remind you to keep your heart clean, too. ..... (Crickets chirping) ......
Yes. That's right. ..... (Crickets again) ..... Wow. I am so thankful for this product. How else would I ever remember to consider the SIN CONDITION of my heart without the trusty aide of...drum rollllll.... hand sanitizer! I didn't know whether to laugh or vomit. I choose to laugh, less messy. But I didn't find it funny. I found it absurd and offensive that God's Word would be used for something like that. Even though it is sold in a Christian book store, it is evidence of the growing indifference even we Christians have toward the holiness of God's Word - the holiness of God Himself. We are allowing ourselves to be more and more desensitized to things that should make us blush or ignite righteous indignation. Our plum line has become our feelings. Dangerous territory. My pastor said in a sermon recently, regarding our feelings, "God will not do His deepest work in the shallowest part of our being." And yet, the shallow end is where we often stay. There is less work there, less chance for actually having to swim and set a pace. We don't even have to dog-paddle ... just sit on the side with our feet in the water. As a result, the things that should matter to us just don't anymore. Why bother learning the pool rules when all we plan to do is soak our feet? No need to learn to swim when only our ankles are getting wet.
The company making the hand sanitizer is counting on our feelings. They are counting on our not being able to distinguish the travesty of abusing God's Word over the clever packaging. After all, it is for our good, both health wise as well as spiritually, right? Clean hands (don't pass those germs around), and with every squirt from the container we are drawn to consider our own hearts. I'll just say what I said aloud in the store this weekend, "You've GOT to be kidding me!" Using God's Word as a gimmick? Where's a cat of nine tales when you need one?
The thing is we must be careful with our own lives. We can just as easily allow our identity as a Christian to become a gimmick. We can allow it to say things about us vs. pointing others toward God. We can allow it to make us feel worthy of self built pedestals (or those built by our peers) vs. getting real about our own sinfulness and seeing others as standing on level ground at the foot of the cross. If we are not abiding in Jesus, we can become desensitized to the blood price that was paid for our redemption. And just as the hand sanitizer manufacturer is counting on our indifferent feelings toward God's Word in order to sell their product, Satan is counting on our indifference toward Jesus' sacrificial death to sell us the lie that we are doing just fine in the shallow water. No need to get wet. Just stay dry. He is counting on our indifference to the holiness of God to help us justify how we feel rather than to obey what God says. Don't fall for it!!! Don't place your trust in your identity - place your trust in Jesus, the One in Whom your identity is found!
Hmmm ...... maybe that hand sanitizer served a purpose after all! But I'm still not buying it!
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will be converted to You." Psalm 51: 10 -13
Last year, I had a similar experience. Although I did not confront the blue vested Wal Mart employee stocking shelves on that aisle, I came just shy of having a soap box vent when I discovered Degree deodorant's fragrance Sexy Intrigue. Really? I mean....it's for our arm pits! First, what is so intriguing about arm pits? Second, is there a real need for them to be sexy? Clean shaven? Yes. Free of white residue? Of course. Sexy?! Mercy, no.
Gimmicks to get us to buy products are everywhere. From using sex (or lust) to sell everything from breath mints to cars, or some one's dramatic weight loss experience to sell videos and exercise equipment, to late night infomercial demonstrations that make products look soooo easy to use (and they'll throw in that extra "whatever" - a $56 value - for free!). It's all about making the sell....whatever it takes to make a profit.
There is a different kind of gimmick that gets me, though. I mean, gets me hot under the collar. I've seen it in various forms but recently, I had enough. I was shopping at a local Christian book store when I came upon the display. Right there among the Beth Moore and James Dobson and Max Lucado books, I let it vent! I didn't overdo it - but I did let the store clerk know just how ridiculous it was! The product: hand sanitizer. The gimmick: The Word of God.
I'm not kidding. The wording on the package may have been tongue in cheek, but it did not have me laughing. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness." The scripture highlighted was from David's Psalm 51, "Create in me a clean heart, O God." Now what, you may ask - as I did - does Psalm 51 have to do with hand sanitizer? Or, what does hand sanitizer have to do with Psalm 51? I believe these are fair questions. The answer to both is a resounding NOTHING!!!! However, the company making these ingenious little things wants their hand sanitizer to remind you to keep your heart clean, too. ..... (Crickets chirping) ......
Yes. That's right. ..... (Crickets again) ..... Wow. I am so thankful for this product. How else would I ever remember to consider the SIN CONDITION of my heart without the trusty aide of...drum rollllll.... hand sanitizer! I didn't know whether to laugh or vomit. I choose to laugh, less messy. But I didn't find it funny. I found it absurd and offensive that God's Word would be used for something like that. Even though it is sold in a Christian book store, it is evidence of the growing indifference even we Christians have toward the holiness of God's Word - the holiness of God Himself. We are allowing ourselves to be more and more desensitized to things that should make us blush or ignite righteous indignation. Our plum line has become our feelings. Dangerous territory. My pastor said in a sermon recently, regarding our feelings, "God will not do His deepest work in the shallowest part of our being." And yet, the shallow end is where we often stay. There is less work there, less chance for actually having to swim and set a pace. We don't even have to dog-paddle ... just sit on the side with our feet in the water. As a result, the things that should matter to us just don't anymore. Why bother learning the pool rules when all we plan to do is soak our feet? No need to learn to swim when only our ankles are getting wet.
The company making the hand sanitizer is counting on our feelings. They are counting on our not being able to distinguish the travesty of abusing God's Word over the clever packaging. After all, it is for our good, both health wise as well as spiritually, right? Clean hands (don't pass those germs around), and with every squirt from the container we are drawn to consider our own hearts. I'll just say what I said aloud in the store this weekend, "You've GOT to be kidding me!" Using God's Word as a gimmick? Where's a cat of nine tales when you need one?
The thing is we must be careful with our own lives. We can just as easily allow our identity as a Christian to become a gimmick. We can allow it to say things about us vs. pointing others toward God. We can allow it to make us feel worthy of self built pedestals (or those built by our peers) vs. getting real about our own sinfulness and seeing others as standing on level ground at the foot of the cross. If we are not abiding in Jesus, we can become desensitized to the blood price that was paid for our redemption. And just as the hand sanitizer manufacturer is counting on our indifferent feelings toward God's Word in order to sell their product, Satan is counting on our indifference toward Jesus' sacrificial death to sell us the lie that we are doing just fine in the shallow water. No need to get wet. Just stay dry. He is counting on our indifference to the holiness of God to help us justify how we feel rather than to obey what God says. Don't fall for it!!! Don't place your trust in your identity - place your trust in Jesus, the One in Whom your identity is found!
Hmmm ...... maybe that hand sanitizer served a purpose after all! But I'm still not buying it!
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will be converted to You." Psalm 51: 10 -13
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)